Classified Beverage Briefing:

This covert concoction, known in underground circles as the Pumpkin Protocol, is the seasonal elixir beloved by agents of comfort and warmth. Crafted with real pumpkin, whisperings of spice, and milk from verified terrestrial sources, it’s the perfect brew to counteract fall chill and psychological warfare. Trust no one—but trust this recipe.

🕵️‍♂️ Prep Time: 5 minutes

🔥 Cook Time: 5 minutes

⏱️ Total Time: 10 minutes

📡 Security Clearance Level: Pumpkin Level 5

Classified Ingredients:

• 1 cup of strongly brewed coffee (or 2–4 oz of espresso) – Use your most reliable stash from an ethically sourced origin, preferably not tampered with by lizard people.

• 1 tsp Pumpkin Pie Spice – An aromatic blend once used in ancient rituals to summon autumn.

• 1 cup Whole Milk – Preferably from cows, not clones. Warmed under low surveillance.

• 3 tbsp Pumpkin Purée – Straight from the gourd. No synthetics. No interdimensional substitutes.

• 1½ tbsp Maple Syrup – Or brown sugar, honey, or other sweeteners not flagged by nutrition operatives.

🛑 Optional Topping: Whipped Disguise

• ¼ cup Heavy Whipping Cream

• ½ tbsp Sugar

• Whipped until medium peaks form, ideally while chanting protective coffee blessings.

Instructions from the Resistance:

1. Brew the Base

   Add pumpkin pie spice directly to your coffee grounds pre-brew. This infuses your drink with seasonal data—decoded one sip at a time. Brew as usual. No decaf. Ever.

2. Simmer the Serum

   In a small saucepan, combine milk, pumpkin purée, and maple syrup. Heat over low flame while whisking to avoid ingredient rebellion. Stop when it’s hot and frothy—like a caffeinated truth serum.

3. Assemble the Concoction

   Pour your coffee into a secure mug. Slowly add the frothy pumpkin milk, careful not to spill classified foam.

4. Top with Disguise

   If creating homemade whipped cream, use an electric mixer to beat cream and sugar until it forms peaks strong enough to withstand interrogation. Dollop generously on top. Sprinkle with a pinch of spice and encrypted affection.

Note: This recipe is best enjoyed while wearing a flannel disguise, sitting by a flickering candle, and whispering “Pumpkin spice is the truth” under your breath.